IPF
08-01-2010, 22:48
Guys 'n gals,
Just because it's a tad quiet on this site of late, and since there's remarkably little to rejoice about looking outside (bugger all that snow and ice!), here's my measly 2 cts to liven things up a bit: a couple of F-jokes randomly plucked off the web. Some of 'em are just lame, some might trigger a smile. You be the judge, I'll just let her rip:
"Relativity"
Q: Which F1 driver would you least object to sleeping with your girlfriend?
A: Luca Badoer, because he makes everyone else look good
"Don't get mad. Get even"
A man wanted to buy a new car so he bought a newspaper and looked in the classified section. He found an advertisement which said "New Ferrari for sale only $500!" This is a very cheap price for a new Ferrari. He thought it may be a joke but he decided to investigate.
He went to the house to see the car. A woman answered the door and she led him into the garage. There, infront of him was a new Ferrari.
"Wow!" the man said, "Can I take it for a test drive?"
"Yes you can," answered the lady. He got into the car and then drove it for 10 or 15 minutes. To his surprise he found that the car was perfect.
When he returned to the lady's house, he asked her, "Why are you selling me this great Ferrari for only $500?"
Then the lady replied with a laugh, "My husband just ran off with his secretary, and he told me, 'You can have the house and the furniture, just sell my Ferrari and send me the money.
"Ouch..."
One fine sunny day, Johnny and Susie were sitting on the sandbox playing, naked.
Johnny and Susie was curious, why they have different *parts*.
So, Johnny went home, and asked : " MUM! Why does Susie have a hole and I have a stick??"
His mum replies : " Susie has a garage, and you have a Ferrari. Men park their cars in the garage when they are ready. "
" Oh... "
Susie reached her house and asked her father: " Papa, why does Johnny have a stick between his legs and I have a hole? "
" No, Susie, that is the Ferrari! Don't let him park his Ferrari in your garage! "
"Oka...y...y"
The next day, both of them were on the sandbox again, playing naked. Johnny exclaimed : " Oh, Susie ,let me park my Ferrari! " Susie replied : No! "
He insisted and even tried to park his Ferrari. And after 10 minutes Susie went home.
" SUSIE! Why is there bloods on your hands! "
" Mom, Johnny tried to park his Ferrari, so I just pulled the back wheels off. "
"If you can't beat 'em, join 'em?"
A hip young man goes out and buys the best car available: a brand new Ferrari GTO. It is also the most expensive car in the world, and it costs him $500,000. He takes it out for a spin and stops for a red light. An old man on a moped pulls up next to him. The old man looks over at the sleek, shiny car and asks, "What kind of car ya'got there, sonny?" The young man replies, "A Ferrari GTO. It cost half a million dollars!"
"That's a lot of money," says the old man. "Why does it cost so much?" "Because this car can do up to 320 miles an hour!" states the young dude proudly.
The moped driver asks, "Mind if I take a look inside?" "No problem," replies the owner. So the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around. Then sitting back on his moped, the old man says, "That's a pretty nice car, all right...but I'll stick with my moped."
Just then the light changes so the guy decides to show the old man just what his car can do. He floors it, and within 6 seconds the speedometer reads 60mph. Suddenly, he notices a dot in his rear view mirror. It seems to be getting closer! He slows down to see what it could be and suddenly, whhhoooossshhh! Something whips by him, going much faster!!!!
"What on earth could be going faster than my Ferrari?!" the young man asks himself.
He floors the accelerator and takes the Ferrari up to 250 mph. Then, up ahead of him, he sees that it's the old man on the moped. Amazed that the moped could pass his Ferrari he gives it some more gas and passes the moped. He looks in his mirror and sees the old man gaining on him again.
Astounded by the speed of this old guy he floors the gas pedal and takes the Ferrari all the way up to 320 mph.
Not ten seconds later he sees the moped bearing down on him again. The Ferrari is flat out and there's nothing he can do. Suddenly the moped plows into the back of his Ferrari, demolishing the rear.
The young man jumps out, and unbelievably, the old man is still alive!!! He runs up to the mangled old man and says, "Oh my goodness! Is there anything I can do for you?" The old man whispers ".... Unhook ...my suspenders from your side-view mirror."
"A horse is a horse, of course of course"
Son to Father:
A Ferrari is a red car with a horse! Right daddy?
Father: That's right, but why do you ask?
Son: I Think there's one trying to pass as on the right!!!
.
Just because it's a tad quiet on this site of late, and since there's remarkably little to rejoice about looking outside (bugger all that snow and ice!), here's my measly 2 cts to liven things up a bit: a couple of F-jokes randomly plucked off the web. Some of 'em are just lame, some might trigger a smile. You be the judge, I'll just let her rip:
"Relativity"
Q: Which F1 driver would you least object to sleeping with your girlfriend?
A: Luca Badoer, because he makes everyone else look good
"Don't get mad. Get even"
A man wanted to buy a new car so he bought a newspaper and looked in the classified section. He found an advertisement which said "New Ferrari for sale only $500!" This is a very cheap price for a new Ferrari. He thought it may be a joke but he decided to investigate.
He went to the house to see the car. A woman answered the door and she led him into the garage. There, infront of him was a new Ferrari.
"Wow!" the man said, "Can I take it for a test drive?"
"Yes you can," answered the lady. He got into the car and then drove it for 10 or 15 minutes. To his surprise he found that the car was perfect.
When he returned to the lady's house, he asked her, "Why are you selling me this great Ferrari for only $500?"
Then the lady replied with a laugh, "My husband just ran off with his secretary, and he told me, 'You can have the house and the furniture, just sell my Ferrari and send me the money.
"Ouch..."
One fine sunny day, Johnny and Susie were sitting on the sandbox playing, naked.
Johnny and Susie was curious, why they have different *parts*.
So, Johnny went home, and asked : " MUM! Why does Susie have a hole and I have a stick??"
His mum replies : " Susie has a garage, and you have a Ferrari. Men park their cars in the garage when they are ready. "
" Oh... "
Susie reached her house and asked her father: " Papa, why does Johnny have a stick between his legs and I have a hole? "
" No, Susie, that is the Ferrari! Don't let him park his Ferrari in your garage! "
"Oka...y...y"
The next day, both of them were on the sandbox again, playing naked. Johnny exclaimed : " Oh, Susie ,let me park my Ferrari! " Susie replied : No! "
He insisted and even tried to park his Ferrari. And after 10 minutes Susie went home.
" SUSIE! Why is there bloods on your hands! "
" Mom, Johnny tried to park his Ferrari, so I just pulled the back wheels off. "
"If you can't beat 'em, join 'em?"
A hip young man goes out and buys the best car available: a brand new Ferrari GTO. It is also the most expensive car in the world, and it costs him $500,000. He takes it out for a spin and stops for a red light. An old man on a moped pulls up next to him. The old man looks over at the sleek, shiny car and asks, "What kind of car ya'got there, sonny?" The young man replies, "A Ferrari GTO. It cost half a million dollars!"
"That's a lot of money," says the old man. "Why does it cost so much?" "Because this car can do up to 320 miles an hour!" states the young dude proudly.
The moped driver asks, "Mind if I take a look inside?" "No problem," replies the owner. So the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around. Then sitting back on his moped, the old man says, "That's a pretty nice car, all right...but I'll stick with my moped."
Just then the light changes so the guy decides to show the old man just what his car can do. He floors it, and within 6 seconds the speedometer reads 60mph. Suddenly, he notices a dot in his rear view mirror. It seems to be getting closer! He slows down to see what it could be and suddenly, whhhoooossshhh! Something whips by him, going much faster!!!!
"What on earth could be going faster than my Ferrari?!" the young man asks himself.
He floors the accelerator and takes the Ferrari up to 250 mph. Then, up ahead of him, he sees that it's the old man on the moped. Amazed that the moped could pass his Ferrari he gives it some more gas and passes the moped. He looks in his mirror and sees the old man gaining on him again.
Astounded by the speed of this old guy he floors the gas pedal and takes the Ferrari all the way up to 320 mph.
Not ten seconds later he sees the moped bearing down on him again. The Ferrari is flat out and there's nothing he can do. Suddenly the moped plows into the back of his Ferrari, demolishing the rear.
The young man jumps out, and unbelievably, the old man is still alive!!! He runs up to the mangled old man and says, "Oh my goodness! Is there anything I can do for you?" The old man whispers ".... Unhook ...my suspenders from your side-view mirror."
"A horse is a horse, of course of course"
Son to Father:
A Ferrari is a red car with a horse! Right daddy?
Father: That's right, but why do you ask?
Son: I Think there's one trying to pass as on the right!!!
.